How Dare We

As I looked around at the people on the subway I saw him. He was younger than me, although he didn’t look it. He was almost 6 feet tall, large boned, but not chubby, and very strong. He was wearing a red hoodie, the hood covering his short dark hair. He was listening to his beloved rap, nodding his head to the beat and his eyes were hard as he tried to avoid my gaze. Our eyes met and the look on his face said it all. The look on his face was clearly meant to be a threat, What are you looking at? He looked so alone, so hopeless, so defensive, and so angry. Ready to hurt anyone who challenged him.

I knew him. He was one of my students at the alternative school I volunteered at. In school he was a completely different person. He was smart, funny, gentle, and always teasing his teachers that he loved so much. He would beg me to help him with whatever assignment he was working on, although he was fully capable of doing it himself. If I was with another student he would take my wrist, and gently but firmly pull me toward his desk. After school he would try and force me to listen to his new favorite rap and tease me about my horrible taste in music. Then before he would leave he would try and make me do his handshake that I could never quite figure out.

But we weren’t at school. We were on the blue line going heading towards the loop. Outside of school he was a different person. He was angry and defensive. He wasn’t kind or gentle, that’s not how you survive in this town.

He doesn’t live on the streets, he lives with his grandma. By lives with I mean he eats and sleeps at her house, and that’s it. His mom was beaten to death by his father who is now in jail. His grandma doesn’t really care about him, but she feeds him and gives him a place to sleep, so that’s where he stays. He leaves early every morning and arrives at school before it is unlocked and stays late after school until    the teachers kick him out every day. He doesn’t like being home, with his grandma passed out from drinking on the couch in front of the tv, which was always playing soaps. He always waited until late to come home so he wouldn’t have to talk to her, knowing she would be passed out, and always leaves before she wakes up.

He has a hard life and you can see it in his demeanor and by the constant hard look on his face. He spends most of his time on the streets with his friends. Family has failed him and his friends and teachers were all he had. He had already been kicked out of public school so his choices were to drop out or to attend the alternative school where I tutored. He knew he had little chance of success at life, and most days he didn’t even try to do well at school, because he didn’t see the point. But all he needed was a little attention, kindness, and gentle prodding.
 

I saw him on the subway about six months ago, and as I think back, I can’t help but realize how blessed I am. I have a complete family that although we have our own issues and we aren’t perfect, we love each other. And what more do we need but love? That boy would do anything to have a family like mine.  And as I sit here and think about the arguments in our house today I wonder why?

 How can we take for granted what we have when there are boys like him, who have no one? 


How dare we squander God’s blessings like this.


 How dare we demand that others love us in such specific and selfish ways. 


We don’t deserve to be loved by anyone, but God not only sent his son, he also blessed us with incredible families.


 The blessing of family is so huge, how dare we take it for granted.

As you and I gather around our Christmas trees this season, sipping eggnog and admiring beautifully adorned packages, I encourage you to remember how blessed you are. Even when someone snaps at you, or points out something you did wrong, or laughs at your feeble attempt at wrapping a box that has more tape on it then wrapping paper. No matter how bad the relationship, or how much they get on your nerves, they are still your family. And they try to love you as best they can. Remember and be grateful for how much you have, even when it doesn’t seem like much, because there are so many people out there who have nothing.