Snowflakes

wrote this forever ago. It snowed today.

God created snowflakes
Each Beautiful and unique
They can cause so much joy
Even among the weak

God created people
Each with a special purpose and design
Make to love other people
And to do work for the Divine

Snowflakes aren't always good
They can create danger and tragedy
Just like people can
If they choose not to live righteously

The magic in snowflakes
Never fades away
Neither will the power of the Holy Spirit
If we choose to obey

Sleepless Nights

sleepless nights spent in agony
wondering about the things you have done for me
wondering why you loved me
and how you can stand the sight of me

i am ashamed of who i've become
i am ashamed of how i live
i have wandered far off of your path
lord light the way once again

i have doubted you despite your faithful honesty
i have rejected you in spite of your love
i have stolen my life from you
and i can't stand the sight of my soul

there is nothing i can do to earn your forgiveness
but i find your grace pouring over me so unfairly
i don't deserve to be in the presence of your power
yet that is where i find myself this very hour

how come every time i run back to you
you stand with arms open wide
you never even chide
and you refuse to cast me aside?

forgive me for what i did
help me die to those sins
destroy the evil that rests inside
and purify my heart one more time

replace my doubt with mountain moving faith
replace my confusion with an understanding of Your Word and Your grace
replace the evil that dwells inside with the desire in your will to abide
replace the things that distract with things that point me to your side


teach me the right way to live
teach me to please you through everything i do
teach me to pray every minute of every day
and teach me to do things your way

Faith Like a Child

Matt 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"

How do I become like a child?I am a child of God. But what does that mean? A child is carefree and trusting. A child is reliant and curious and imaginative. A child doesn't care what other people think. A child is caring. A child tries his or her best at everything he or she does. A child is happy and a child is loved. A child loves like no other.

I want to be a true child of God. I want to be carefree, I want to be trusting. I want to be able to fully rely on my Father who fully provides for me. I want to be able to fully trust God and stop worrying. My Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and wants what's best for me even if it doesn't make sense, I want to be able to trust God like a child trusts his or her Father.I want to be curious again. I want to go back to asking constant questions about God and the Bible and the life that God has given me. I want to discover things with joy and excitement. I want to go back to using my imagination. I want to have a vision and I want to be able to test it out over and over again. I want to live only to please my Father, not my friends or anyone else. I want to be caring, I want to care for my brothers and sisters in Christ like a child cares for his or her little brother or sister. I want to try as hard as I can at everything I do, just like a child tries hard at every picture they draw and every thing they do. I want to be happy, I want to find joy and beauty in the little things, like a child who picks dandelions for their mom. I want to be able to take time to enjoy life. I want to be able to find good things about everything, like a child seems to be able to. I want to love like a child loves, faithfully and openly. I want to love my family and my friends like that. I also want to love God the way a child loves his parents. I want to eagerly desire to serve God like a child who wants to help his mom make dinner. I want to look at life like a child does, joyfully living day by day, and not worrying about tomorrow.

Falling into Fall

Falling

I am falling
Falling far, floating slowly to the ground
Down
Down
Down

Right before I hit the ground
I get caught in a burst of wind
It stings so much
The wind lifts me up and whips me around
And carries me off in a breeze

The wind isn't so strong anymore
I start floating to the ground once more
Slowly fluttering
Down
Down
Down

Waiting for the wind to whip me up and away once again
Waiting to be to beat up and whirled around again
Waiting to be lifted up again
Waiting as I float
Down
Down
Down
Like a leaf fluttering to the ground.

Do you ever feel like a leaf? You start falling away from God, so like the wind, he picks you up and sends you into a strong whirlwind. The strength of the wind and the commotion of being whirled around leaves you scared. It hurts, sometimes you end up getting a little ripped, but it is so worth it. Then all of the sudden, You have fallen out of the wind and once again you are falling. Almost so slowly, you don't even notice at first. Then once you almost hit the ground, You find yourself praying for that terrifying, powerful wind that keeps You going.

A Look Inside a Flower

Remember the phrase “stop and smell the roses”? I was doing that the other day...sort of. I wasn't actually smelling the roses, I was taking pictures of flowers in a park(u gotta love how God uses anything and everything to teach you hard lessons), and I realized something. When you look at a flower, take a lily for example, the first thing you notice is it's beauty. The vivacious color and the unique shape of it makes it beautiful. If you examine the lily you will discover it's sweet smell, it's soft silky petals, and the exclusive pattern that is portrayed in the very center of the flower. If you examine it further, you will discover that some of the petals on the flower have holes, rips, tears, and bruises. The edges of the petal are normally frayed, faded, and worn, while the center of the flower is bursting with vibrant life. What's really cool is even though the flower is flawed it is still considered beautiful.

I kinda think that's how God sees us. He made us each unique. Some of us have vivacious personalities, while others are sweet and subtle. As we have gone through life, different things have worn us out, we have been ripped and torn by different situations. Some parts of us have tiny empty holes that were once filled with something spectacular. Despite our flaws, God still sees us as inwardly and outwardly beautiful (Psalm 45:11). God made us in his own image. And yes the world has beat us down, but God fills our very core and he gives us vibrant life in Him.

God doesn't focus on our flaws when he looks at us. When God looks at us he notices our beauty. He sees us as his beautiful creation and he fills us with life at our very core. The flaws don't bother him, yet that is all our culture has taught us to focus on. We have been taught to find what is wrong with us and try to fix it. That is not why we are here. We are here to bring God glory and to serve Him. Not to fix ourselves. Not to compare ourselves with anyone else. Not to look for flaws. God created flowers and people for the same purpose: to display His glory (Isaiah 43:7).

No, our flaws our not invisible to God, he sees them, but he loves us anyway. He still thinks we are beautiful. He still gives us grace. Isn't He incredible?

I want to see other people through God's eyes. I want to be able to love them despite their flaws. I want to stop focusing on mistakes. I want to see the big picture of the pretty flower instead of seeing the minuscule hole in the petal. I want to see myself through God's eyes. I want to stop focusing on the mistakes I have made and the things that have hurt me. I pray that God would change my perspective of myself and the people around me.

Besides “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”-Proverbs 31:30

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.” -1 Peter 3:3-4

Goodbyes and Hellos

Saying goodbye isn't easy. Knowing that you will never see people that you have learned to love is one of the hardest things in the world. Leaving a place that you have fallen in love with, a place that you call home is a very difficult thing. The final days with friends bring many memories and a lot of laughter, yet you hate every second of it because you know that you will soon be apart; you know that the next time you see these people everything will have changed. As I step onto an airplane tomorrow, leaving the place and the people that I love most behind, I will have many mixed emotions. I will feel broken and sad inside, I will be full of regrets and heartache, and I will be excited and nervous to start this new adventure. As I turn the next page in the novel of my life, I don't know whether it is the beginning of the next chapter or if it is the beginning of the book, all I know is that the next page is completely empty and that completely terrifies me. I am super excited for what is to come, but I will dreadfully miss the life that I have. Once again everything is changing. Things change everyday, so when you are going to be gone for ten months, everything will be drastically different. Things will never be the way that I remember them. Most people fear change. Most people think that it is the most awful thing in the world. Yet, somehow change is normally for the better. Change makes people grow, change makes people think. Change brings new life and new experiences. I know that the changes that will take place will be good, I know that they will make me and my friends better people, yet I still regret it. I can't stand the fact that I will miss this vital time of my friends' life. I hate the fact that I won't be there for them when they need be, I will be 2,000 miles away, and that sucks. I wish things were different, but I know this needs to happen. So, as I say goodbye to the world as I know it, I say hello to the new adventures that God has written for me. I can't wait to see what is in my future. I can't wait to see where he takes me, what will happen, what I'll do. Mathew 6 reminds us not to worry about tomorrow, but that is so hard to do. I don't even know if I could say that I am worried, I guess I am just frustrated. I am frustrated that I don't know what's going to happen, so I can't prepare for it. I am frustrated of the things that I will miss in other people's lives, the things that they will miss in my life. I wish I could be in two places at once. That would make my life a whole lot easier. But I can't...so...oh well. As I take this illogical step of faith that I really don't want to take, I will trust God completely. I will live every moment in the moment, not worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. I will never look back, I will keep my eyes focused on Christ and walk towards him in faith. If I look down at the path I am traveling on I will freak out and fall off the edge. If I keep my eyes focused on Christ, I will be fine, he will help me through.

I am reminded of the story of Peter walking on the water (found in Mathew 14). He stepped out in faith, a step that none of the other disciples were willing to take. The step that he took in faith worked out pretty well for him. He took three steps. Then he got distracted. Then, he took his eyes off Christ, he realized what he was doing, he looked down at the path and freaked out. Once he looked down, he started to sink. The minute his eyes left the face of Jesus everything started to sink. That happens all the time to me. I am learning and growing and following God and stepping out in faith, then all of the sudden I realize what I am doing and I freak out. The things that I can accomplish through Christ are so amazing, with God I can do everything. If we are listening to God and stepping out in faith then he can do some pretty crazy things. The unique things that God helps me do, the ones that aren't supposed to be possible, the illogical ones, the things that don't make sense, they are from God, if you can do the things that you thought were impossible then you are traveling down the right path and you have stepped out in faith. All I ask is that you make sure to stay focused, and don't look down.